Saturday, September 10, 2011

Word Human

Kata orang, sebaiknya kita menikah sebelum usia 30 tahun.
Kata orang, sebaiknya punya anak juga sebelum lewat 30 tahun.
Kata orang, jadi janda itu hal yang memalukan.
Kata orang, punya anak di luar nikah adalah hal yang sangat hina.
Kata orang, hanya orang yang beragama sama dengan mereka saja yang masuk surga.

Hidup kita diintimidasi dengan kata orang :)
Dan saya capek berpura-pura saya tidak capek mendengar.
Mendengar apa? Kata orang. Word human. Hahaha...

Kenapa orang senang sekali mengintimidasi orang lain untuk menikah cepat ya?
Anda pikir menikah itu nikmat? Seksnya? Uhmmm... tanyalah pada mereka yang sudah menikah lebih dari 5 tahun. Bahkan ada yang baru menikah 6 bulan pun sudah bosan :)) Beberapa teman saya bercerita kalau sering sekali mereka berdoa pasangannya cepat "puas" agar dia bisa segera tidur karena badannya sangat letih setelah bekerja seharian.

Setiap hari bertemu orang tercinta, apa rasanya? Dalam hati saya yakin banyak yang membaca akan menjawab "Too much juga sih sebenernya...". Yang membuat kita merasa sedikit berbahagia kalau dia pergi ke luar kota karena kita ada kesempatan merindukannya, dan begitu juga sebaliknya.

I will brutally tell you this: love is overrated. 
In marriage, love won't last long. At the end, it will be about companionship, responsibility, agreement, cooperation, friendship, and everything else. Sex is not even in my top 10 list :))

You might not believe it, you might think I'm a cynic, but that's the truth. My truth.
You will realise that it's true: Nobody is perfect. Then you will regret your marriage because you're disappointed with him/her. Then you think you can find somebody better. Then you get divorced. Then you find somebody new. Then you get married again. And divorced again, maybe. Because it turns out, there's no perfect person for you. Because you are changing. And he is changing too. And your needs, your demands, are changing too. So you might love him now, but hate him a year from now.
And it's nobody's fault.

And if you're wise enough, smart enough, willing enough to fight your ego, you will come to this:
Acceptance. Not accepting that you're miserable hahaha, but accepting that he will never be the person that you want him to be, because he is another human being, not you. Not wanting to follow your ego whenever you demand him to bend. He has his own story. You have your own story. Don't push and mix it. Hold his hand, don't put leash on his soul.

Appreciate him for the way he is. And he will do the same.
Love is overrated. It doesn't last long.
You will learn to nurture "unconditional love" by accepting him, caring for him, loving him even when it seems impossible to do that. And I tell you, it's a vicious war.
Marriage is dangerous for you if you're not ready to jump in and accept some bruises.
They say oath with words "in sickness and health", well, accept lots of his sickness, sista! :)) As he will do the same for you.

So... Don't get married, just because you're 30, 40, 50, or 60.
Be happy by being yourself, not by finding Mr. Right.
Ignore those who kept asking "Kapan nikah?" by saying "Yang penting tuh, kapan masuk surga... Amiiin. Nikah saya sih nggak usah capek-capek kamu pikirin. Kasian kamunya..." Hahaha...

Learn to ignore "word human" or kata orang.
They don't care about you. Not really. They just can't control their mouths.

I've been married for 7 years, and I'm occassionally happy about it :))
But in times, I read in my FB how my fellow moms/wives missing their single-lady moments.
How they want to hang out with friends without being intimidated by their husbands, how they want to spend money on shoes & bags, not have to worrying about paying schools and stuff.
How they have the "right" to be "selfish". They miss that. And yes, I miss that too.

I'm very grateful with what I have now, but some of my friends are actually divorced to pursue their own version of happiness.

Being single is not bad. Being married is also not bad. It's all about preference.
And usually, you don't know what you got until it's gone :)
Live life to the fullest, chicas!

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