Sunday, January 03, 2010

What I Love about being 30something

I use to think that 30 is old.
Very old.
I could not imagine how I'd be in 30s.

But the truth is, I never care about my age. I didn't even count.
Few years ago, a new friend asked me about my age and I answered 23. Turned out I was 28. Never count. Don't care.

But as I realize it, 30 is not bad at all.
I'm 32 y.o. now.
And I think I'm beginning to understand myself.
It's funny how you learn quickly about other things and other people,
but never really care enough to think about yourself.
To really get to know yourself.

If I could describe myself in my previous journey, I would say 1 word: angry.
I was angry with the world. Angry with myself.

I could not accept myself and definitely could not love myself.
I questioned things too much.
I reasoned things too much.
I was mad, sad, and lonely.

There are things I could not figure out, while my greatest point was figuring things out.
I have always wanted to be a detective :)
I'm good at analyzing things and finding the right conclusion.

As I grew older, I learn to let go.
The anger.
The sadness.
I broke my boundaries.
I had sex.
I fell in love.
I broke my heart.
I run away from home.
I forgave people.
I forgave my parents,
Though I can't say I have forgiven myself :)
It's a hard thing to do.

I love being 32.
Calmer. Smarter. A bit wiser. A bit patient. More feminine. Starting to embrace myself. Closer to my parents and family.
More honest. More open.
I know what I want exactly and I'm not shy of it.
I don't care what people think of me, I just care about being the real me.
I think I'm doing pretty well.
But I'm still learning, still absorbing my life.

I try to smile and laugh more often,
and take this life as a wonderful and adventurous journey.

To walk lighter. To breath deeper.
To be grateful of the present; as in time and a gift :)

I hope before I reach 40, I'll be a woman who has made peace with herself.
A woman who can love herself completely and forgive herself for the way she is and is not.

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