Monday, May 10, 2010

So I Met You

Postingan kali ini dibuat untuk menjawab pertanyaan Reza :)

Once upon a time, I felt really restless...
I had some questions I couldn't answer.
I was lost, and no where to be found. I felt that my life was empty and useless.
More than once I felt the urge to end it.

To know me, you better know my childhood.
I used to live in a small town in Kalimantan. My neighbours were all foreigners.
I have bule as my neighbours, and for a kindergarten kid, it wasn't nice.
I learnt English as quick as ABC.

Having no friend, I consider God my best man.
He was my best friend, my "parent", my place to talk to.
My connection with Him was 1 thing that kept me sane.
I was much much older than my age, that time.
Mom & Dad, they read good books on Islam.
Mom borrowed books on sufism, Dad had Al-Bukhari's, and Qur'an was my bestie too ;)
How I had great times reading those good books, besides Tempo & Intisari, of course.
Khalil Gibran was always my favorite reading.
I played chess with myself, I talked to myself, and I enjoyed being with myself.
Me, myself, and God.

So let's fast forward to Senior High School in Bandung.
At that moment, I prayed for miracles.
I met "creatures" bugging me about another space, another life, another place to live; different dimension.
Somehow,  my blood relates me to this kind of things.

And believe me, I don't believe in those stuff. For me, no use focusing my time on those issues.
Power? 6th sense? Supranaturalholycrapsorry!
But "the thing" just wouldn't go away, so I asked my Best friend for a back up.

I did midnight praying, tahajjud.. days.. weeks..
Before that, I used to read Qur'an, daily basis.
I read it so many times, I thought I could speak Arab :))
Sometimes when I'm reading verses, something inside of me said "You can use this verses to cure sickness..".
It happened so often. Cure. Money. Love, you name it.

Then, I had my prayers answered so quick. When I pray for something, it happened, just like that.
Magic. Miracle. When u focus on God, God focuses on you..
I guess that's how it works.

There was one night when I couldn't stop reading Qur'an.
My tears fell down, cause I was so tired.
But my mouth couldn't stop.
My heart kept on speeding, encouraging my brain & my mouth to keep on reading.
"Keep on reading, keep on reading.. a little bit more.. a little bit more.."
I didn't know how many hours I spent reading Qur'an that night.
3 hours? 5 hours? 7 hours? I don't know.
I was scared at that time.

I think what's different from me than others is... I never consider God as a scary being.
I always see Him as a caring, loving God. What ever He did, does, will do to me, He's the Best.
He loves us, and sometimes amazed by how silly, deaf, blind we have become...
(my heart is pounding while I'm writing this...)
I feel Him so close. Closer than my heart. Than my blood. He's in me, in you, in everything.
Being lonely as a child made me rely only on Him.
And He never said no to me or anybody. Yes, He's that kind.

So after that, I met God.
The feeling was... high.
I never used drugs before, but I guess, it could be called High.
Out of this world.
Tears kept on pouring.
All questions answered.
All future revealed.
And yes, He loves  us.

Since that, my forecasting ability exceeded.
I saw a castle being sucked by the sky; Soeharto.
I counted how many planes fell down (those were the days when planes fell easily)

Latest,  I saw Kuningan blew up caused by bombing.
It happened last year.
I predicted it 2,5 years ago.
And I believe another 1 is coming, same location. Not exact, though.

Don't believe me. I might talk crap.
But that's what I felt. Animal instinc.

So what can I share from that meeting?
1. Anyone can see Him. Ask, and it shall be granted.
2. We're living for a reason. We're a small piece of a big puzzle. I'm waiting for my turn to go fill that pieces.
3. Personal legend. Reading the Alchemist, Paulo Coelho will give you pretty much what you need to understand.
4. Al-Quran should be read by heart. Not mind. Mind can be tampered. Heart. Heart. Heart. Clean your heart. Open your heart. Get back to basic. Be a baby. Have a pure heart. Ignore this tainted & sinful world.
5. This world? All these are toys. Don't worry to much.
6. Be more patient. Patience teaches you to be quiet,  and listen. Listen to the World, listen to Yourself. Listen to His words...

It's amazing how He speaks through things, events, or even movements of clouds..
Okay, I better sleep.
I think I channeled too much, today.
I almost fainted :D

lately, I'm not that close to Him. I've been a bad girl, and He smiles towards it. Still it makes me feel like...
I'm coming home, Dear.. I'm coming home... All is You. All is You.
All is You.
At the end, nothing else matter :)

Azza Waslati.
Dia yang tidak berjarak.

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